i never, ever thought another man could love me. not like this. i was convinced for years that being trans meant that i was unloveable and undesirable.
but you know that post that goes, “all i want is a partner who is way out of my league but thinks that i’m way out of their league and we’ll live together in perfect confused harmony with a dog”?
that’s us.
trans dudes who like dudes, especially if you’re young and feeling real hopeless–don’t worry, it’ll happen. you CAN find a man who loves you–gross, mushy, sappy love–who’ll nurse you through your surgeries, cook dinner with you four or five times a week, whose body meshes just right against yours… who, years on, still stuns you with your shared vulnerability and trust, with his laugh, with how you can see the freckles in his eyes when your faces are pressed together; with how your skittish pulse slows in his arms, or that when you’re both half-asleep, he’ll press a kiss between your shoulderblades and pull you closer to him…
tl;dr: being a gay trans man doesn’t doom you to a life without love. hang in there.
update: it’s 2018. we’ve been together for 3.5 years and we’re now engaged. i have a job i love even though i don’t have enough hours and i’m getting bottom surgery this fall. i love my tiny gay family–this was our photo for our new year’s card (from last summer, my hair is to my shoulders now and i look dreamy as hell)–and it looks like winter is finally over and our apricot and nectarine trees are blooming and the garlic shoots in our garden are tall and so green and there’s daffodils in the backyard. i’m going to plant roses and some forsythia in the front once we get married.
true love is real, y’all. don’t count yourself out just for being trans.
“I know you used to be depressed for a long time, and I want to know what your motivation was to change something to not live that way anymore?”
“I think it’s important to have something to do, something to look forward to, and something to love. If you have those three things in place, then…it is not a cure-all for depression…it’s not a cure-all for mental health issues…but it’s a place to hang your hat. It’s something around which you can build your day. It’s a starting off; it’s a foundation, at least…to go from there.”
– Wentworth Miller at German Comic con, 09. 12. 2017.
I would fight for him. I’m not even in his fandom(s?), but his comments on mental health have warmed my shriveled little heart (and are very much in line with current psychological theory and practice).
Something to love doesn’t have to be a person. Maybe your dog is what gets you out of bed in the morning. Something to do doesn’t have to be a job–it just has to give you a structure and a sense of purpose, so if volunteering at the senior center or going to the pool for a lap every day is what does it, great!
And something to look forward to can be as big and nebulous as “a career after college” or it can be as concrete as “that book I want to read is coming out next month.”
ever notice that the mean voice in ur head that insults u is awful confident for something thats literally never done anything in its life except be mean to you… like… one of us is pathetic and its not me buddy… get a hobby… yikes
self care is roasting the mean voice in your head
“Self care is roasting the mean voice in your head”
I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?
But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize, snarkily say, “So, you’ve decided to join us”?
Or when someone does something they’ve had trouble doing, say, “Why can’t you do that all the time?” (Happened to me, too often.)
Or any sentence containing the word “finally”.
If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don’t complain about how it’s not enough. Don’t bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.
Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.
this is the main thing that stops me from progressing in life. anything i do in the house, or even going outside, is a snark remark. it makes all my hard work leading to that moment all for nothing. it’s so defeating.
fivepercent 