Aries: I’m not gonna be pushed aside and forgotten like that time at my sister’s funeral.
Taurus: When I met you I was perfectly happy with what I had-eating night cheese and transitioning my pajamas into day wear.
Gemini:I guess two can play at that game, just like most games.
Cancer: Keep your friends close, and your enemies so close that you’re almost kissing.
Leo: Don’t tell me I can’t sing! What the fuck have you ever done? Who the fuck are the Beatles?
Virgo: But there’s this new thing called ‘women’s liberation’ which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me and that I must live with.
Libra: Be a white man. Take credit.
Scorpio: Drive, Intelligence, Humility, Chaos. Or the Acronym DICH. I’m looking for DICH, Avery, and I’m going to take it where ever I can find it.
Sagittarius: Unfortunately, there is no field of medicine that deals with the brain, but I can give you a pamphlet for a cult.
Capricorn: Hugging. How ethnic.
Aquarius: Never go with a hippie to a second location.
Pisces: I called you, but not on a phone so you might not have heard.