I wanted to be a Broadway star—or of like the, you know, Ethel Merman-style like less dancing, more like heavy acting and singing. And then I got to school and got scared because suddenly I wasn’t the most talented person anymore. And when you wrap up your self-worth with your talent, and suddenly you might not be the most talented, that’s really scary. And I think that fear is in part why I turned to comedy because I had no expectations of being a comedian. It was exciting to get good at something where I wasn’t afraid of not being the best.
Singlehandedly my favorite life hack compilation, below I’ve included my favorites. Read the whole compilation: http://imgur.com/gallery/5991n
1. Put a bunch of shit in jars
You know when you buy rice, pasta, or grains, they come in perfectly good plastic packaging? Well throw them out, pour the contents into big jars, and put them on display. Voila! Oppan cottage-style.
2. Put a hardcover book on your piece of shit bedside table with a bookmark in it.
You were never going to read Crime and Punishment, but you may as well make it look like you did. If you really want to seal the deal, put a pair of glasses that you haven’t worn since high school on top. They’re back in style now, anyway.
3. Get the biggest bowl in your house and fill it with some fucking lemons.
“Better get this out of the way,” you can say just before you sit down for dinner to make sure everyone has seen it, and then never mention it again. Everyone will assume you have jars of homemade lemon curd in your pantry. But I know the truth.
I like this one:
15. Overwhelm your guests by offering them many types of tea.
“Tea? Sure! We’ve just got green, peppermint, chamomile, lady grey, irish breakfast, elderberry, lemon and mandarin, licorice, jasmine, rooibos, cinnamon, or lemongrass.”
Just make up the first 10 and end up with the three you actually have in your cupboard; they’ll have forgotten the others by then.
Not every villain, not every time, and certainly not to everyone at once, but there should be moments. We should, occasionally, be able to see ourselves in the bad guys, be able to understand how they got there.
Because it reminds us not to fucking go there.
Antis who get upset about villains having relatable qualities (often couched as being “romanticized” or “woobified”) are people who cannot bear to ever think of themselves as having the capability of being wrong.
Every human alive is capable of being a horrible person. Relatable villains remind us to keep an eye on that shit.
« When I’m writing songs, I think for me my main goal is to write exactly what I’m feeling, when I’m feeling it. If writing songs happens for me in the middle of the night, say between the hours of 2 and 4 am, chances are, I’m trying to forget somebody. It’s almost impossible to write how you feel. If you’ve ever lost somebody, you know that you’re never just feeling one feeling at a time. It’s much more complicated than that and when I was writing my song, I decided maybe instead of writing how I felt, maybe it would be better to write what happened from beginning to end because, I remembered it all too well. »
Periods: You want cookies.
Periods: You want to fuck.
Periods: You want to fuck while eating cookies.
Periods: Let’s be sad about trivial things, shall we?
Periods: Kill them.
Periods: Kill them too.
Periods: Kill them and eat their cookies.
Periods: Shhht it’s okay you’ll feel better soon.
Periods: HAHAHAHAHAH NO YOU WON’T FUCK YOU.
fivepercent 