“just set a timer for twenty minutes, take a nap!”
yeah but what happens if it takes me a while to get to sleep? what if i need to pee? google says 20 minutes is optimum time for a nap but i don’t think i’ll fall asleep INstantly but if i set it for 30 minutes i might fall asleep quickly and then i’ll be tired for the rest of the day there are too many variables and i am so stressed
1. Sharing your feelings or troubles with others will make them feel burdened.
2. Sharing your feelings or troubles with others will chase them away.
3. If you let other people see how you feel, they will use it against you.
4. Sharing your feelings with others will make you look weak.
5. Letting others see your weaknesses puts you at a disadvantage.
6. It’s best not to fight if you want to have a good relationship.
7. Talking about a problem isn’t helpful. Only action solves a problem.
Fortunately, not one of these beliefs is true. In fact, they are each and every one dead wrong. (The only exception is if you share your feelings with another emotionally neglected person, who may not have any idea how to respond). When you grow up receiving consistent direct or indirect messages that you should keep your feelings to yourself, it is natural to assume that those feelings are burdensome and undesirable to others.
Reddit user TheABrown describes “nice guy” in literary terms and nails it:
A
friend of mine who is big into English literature has described a big
chunk of them as “The Mr Collinses of the world who are bewildered and
angry that not even Charlotte Lucas will have them now that she has more
options.”
For those who haven’t read Pride and Prejudice, Mr Collins is a
character who has a decent income, isn’t vicious, but he’s annoying and
unpleasant. After being rejected by the heroine, he marries another
woman called Charlotte Lucas, who marries him because she’s getting
older, not likely to have another proposal, and is worried about living
the rest of her life as the maiden aunt in genteel poverty dependent on
her father or brother. [source]
I also like the second comment:
I mean, the feckless Wickhams of the world will always attract the silly Lydias; and the genuinely decent and honourable Bingleys and Darcys seem to find their Janes and Elizabeths – but the modern Charlottes – well, lots of them, now that it’s socially acceptable, and financially viable, to be single, would much prefer to spend the rest of their lives living in their own little one-bedroom flats, working their sensible, modestly renumerated jobs, and spending their evenings with friends, pizza, wine, and their pet cats if their options for marriage and partnership are Mr Collinses, regardless of whether Mr Collins has a respectable career or a nice house in the suburbs.
The Mr Collinses are (usually) not vicious or nasty or even objectively a terrible life decision (like a Wickham), but most Charlottes don’t want to spend their lives with them if there’s another option.
The other problem of course is that a lot of Mr Collinses are under some sort of delusion that they’re Mr Darcy/Mr Bingley/Mr Knightley etc.
I think the best definition of a “Nice Guy” is “Someone who’s convinced he’s Mr. Darcy but is really Mr. Collins.”
fivepercent 